


they say i did something bad by taylor swift kept playing in my mind while writing this because it is in fact something bad

by cyberdumb



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Amnesia, Hallucinations, PTSD, PTSD induced loss of memory, Therapy Session, also beth is a psychiatrist because i said so, it was supposed to be a school assignment but i turned it into v bad fan fiction so, loss of time perception, this is dark you guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 06:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20596340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberdumb/pseuds/cyberdumb
Summary: English teacher told me to write a short story with elements of mystery and suspense. Well I said "screw it" and wrote the most traumatic thing you'll ever read.*It was just me, the ticking, and nothing else.





	they say i did something bad by taylor swift kept playing in my mind while writing this because it is in fact something bad

**Author's Note:**

> Just fiy: im not a native english speaker, any mistake is due to the fact that I just don't know some stuff

It happens every night, without exception. Every night I would lay down in my bed, close my eyes and attempt to sleep. Attempt, because I never, not even once, succeeded. At first, I thought it was a simple insomnia, something I could solve with medication, but even the strongest pills were useless in that situation.

It was the ticking of the clock.  _ Tick, tick _ . It was incredibly loud during the day, but it always got worse at night. I could hear its ticking as if it were a hammer ready to smash my skull.

I tried buying a different clock and throw the old one out several times, but every time I’d keep hearing the incessant ticking. At that moment I would get up, look around, and there it was: that terrifyingly white clock laid on my desk, looking up at me in an almost mocking way.  _ Tick, tick _ .

I started thinking I was going insane, every tick bringing me closer to madness. Although, I refused to go see a psychiatrist. I decided to brush it off. I  _ wanted _ to brush it off. If I could ignore the sound for long enough, then maybe, just maybe, I could manage to get some sleep.  _ Tick, tick _ . It didn’t work.

After a while I had enough. I grabbed the clock and smashed it onto the ground. I stared at the shards scattered on the floor and let out a long and exhausted sigh.

And yet the ticking, that haunting, deafening, horrible ticking, was still there.  _ Tick _ .  _ Tick _ .

_ This is a nightmare _ , I thought,  _ a nightmare that I will never wake up from _ .

The ticking of the clock haunted me like a knife at my neck, constantly reminding me of the time that was passing, leaving me behind everyone and everything. I was stuck in a sleepless loop with no way out.

It was just me, the ticking, and nothing else.

_ Tick, tick _ .

_ Tick _ .  _ Tick _ .

– When did the ticking start? –

– What? – I felt like I had been startled awake, but I didn’t remember sleeping. I had no idea where I was. One moment I was in my house, and the next...

– Ellie, I asked you when did the ticking start – Her tone was sweet, but the thick yorkshire accent made her words heavy.

The woman talking to me was sitting across the room on a chair. I was also sitting, but on a small sofa, a teal sofa. It felt familiar somehow. She had shoulder length brown hair, dark eyes looking at me worriedly, and a surprisingly fair skin tone. I stayed quiet for a few seconds, processing the question.  _ Tick, tick _ .

– I- uh, I don’t know, I can’t remember, I feel like it’s always been there – I really had no idea.  _ Wait, why did she know my name? _

– Are you sure? –

Why does she want to know so badly? – Why do you want to know so badly? –

She hovered me with her eyes. – I need to know, so I can help you get better –

Help me get better? – What are you, a psychiatrist? – As soon as those words came out of my mouth she nodded a bit sadly.

– You came here about half an hour ago, your father drove you here, do you remember that, Ellie? –  _ Tick _ .  _ Tick _ .

– Yes, i remember – I didn’t. I had no idea what was going on. I couldn’t remember getting out of my house, I couldn’t remember my father driving me here, I couldn’t remember anything and I couldn’t remember this woman’s name, but why did she know mine? – Sorry, what was your name again? –

The woman looked at me, I read sadness, grieving and worry all over her face.

– Doctor Latimer, – never heard of it before. – Ellie, it’s me, Beth, we’ve been friends for almost thirteen years –

Doctor Latimer. Beth Latimer.  _ Beth _ . Nothing. I looked at her face thoroughly. She seemed familiar, but that type of unidentified familiar that only leaves you confused. Friend? We’re friends? How could I forget a friend in such a way? Why can’t I remember her? Why can’t I remember anything?  _ Tick, tick _ .

– Do you remember if anything happened to you recently that might’ve been traumatizing or disturbing? –

I simply shook my head, I was tired of not knowing anything.

– Do you remember Hardy? Detective Inspector Alec Hardy? –

That name made me startle so hard I almost fell off the sofa. I closed my eyes in search of peace, but instead the figure of a tall, lanky man appeared in front of me. He was laying on the ground in a pool of blood and looking at me with dead eyes. I was holding his hand, which was still warm but getting cold too quickly, he had a watch on his wrist.  _ Tick, tick _ .

_ The watch _ .

In a moment, every single memory came back to me. I didn’t even notice the tears rolling down my cheeks, I was too busy remembering everything. Alec, a loud bang, the police station, a murderer, running, out of breath, blood, oh so much blood, the copper smell, the hard ground, he was dead.

And I remembered Beth, I remembered her so much vividly now.

I opened my eyes again. She was still there.

– Ellie, what happened? Did you remember something? –

I couldn’t even understand what she was saying, all I could think about was him, dead on the ground. I saw him, I saw him die. I was the last person who saw him alive and he died in front of me.  _ Tick, tick _ .

– It wasn’t a clock, it was a watch, – these were the only words that I managed to get through my mouth, as the tears kept going.

– The ticking, you mean? –

– Yes. The ticking. It wasn’t a clock, it was Hardy’s watch –  _ tick, tick _ .

– So, you remember him? You remember what happened now? – I nodded, – could you explain it to me? –

It took me a moment to gather all the information that had flooded my brain, and I struggled for a minute or two before finding a starting point.

– Alec Hardy and I are- I mean, used to be, colleagues, at the police station. He is- was the DI at the precinct, we were investigating a murder that had recently happened. – I looked up at Beth, she was nodding. – He had found out who the killer was, we- uh, we found out who the killer was. But he knew that we knew. That night, DI Hardy left the precinct before I did, then… – I couldn’t say that. If i said that out loud it would become real. – ...you know the rest. –  _ tick, tick _ .

– Ellie, I know what happened, but I have to be sure that you remember it too –

_ Tick, tick _ . It was getting louder.

– He was just out of the building when I heard a shot being fired, I ran outside, I see him laid down on the ground, the shooter tried shooting me too, but he missed my head by a few centimetres. I sat next to him and called an ambulance, but when it arrived it was too late – the information came out like a river, I barely took breath pauses while telling it. I could still feel the bullet flying right above my ear. I touched my hair instinctively. – I tried telling him to look at me and to keep his eyes open, but the wound was fatal. As soon as his heart stopped all I could hear was the sound of... –  _ tick, tick, tick, tick _ – the sound of his watch ticking. And that was all I could hear until the ambulance’s siren covered it. –

Beth was nodding gently, she had gotten a little teary-eyed, but I wasn’t at all in a position of judgement, considering the amount of tears that I had just let out.

– Do you remember how long ago this happened? –

– I don’t know, three, maybe four months ago? – The ticking had gone on for too long to be less than that.

Beth lowered her eyes for long enough for me to realize that I had no idea in which month we were, what the date was, and I wasn’t even completely sure what even the year was.

– Two days ago –

Those three words were the final crack that made my certainty glass shatter completely.

– I don’t- Two-? But the ticking- the ticking… – I had no idea what I was supposed to say. I was shocked. Two days? Two days.

At that point I got up and left, Beth tried to stop me but I couldn’t even hear her words, they were like tuned out, I felt as if my soul had been ripped out of my body, and it left emptiness all of the sudden.

I left her house behind me and I walked, I can’t remember how long, but I walked, I wanted to go home. So many thoughts running through my head, my train of thought felt more like ten different trains on only four tracks, speeding faster than normal and all nearly avoiding each other.

_ How _ could it have been only two days ago? Was the ticking just a very intricate nightmare that I had had? It didn’t feel like it.

How could I lose track of time is such a way?

_ The police will want to call me to release a witness statement _ .  _ Oh _ , right _ I  _ am the police. I imagine they’ll assign the case to a different team, since my teammate is… gone.

All those times Alec scolded me for making a mistake, or was rude to me for no apparent reason, and I quietly hoped that he’d die. But not like this, I never really meant it. I’ve never,  _ ever _ , wanted him to get hurt, not even once, I cared too much about him.

And he almost died so many times, he was willing to die for his job, he was willing to let himself die rather than leave a case unsolved. He was willing to get himself killed, instead of leaving a murderer running free.

Well, it happened.

_ Daisy _ . Oh no,  _ how did I forget about Daisy? _ That poor girl, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she must’ve been going through since she had found out that her own father had died. I should probably pay her a visit. Tomorrow, I’ll do it tomorrow.

Finally, I was home. I took a deep breath, I closed my eyes.

_ Something’s wrong _ .

_ Something’s… different? _

I walked to the bedroom. Not even bothering to change my clothes, I laid down on the bed and looked at the ceiling for a while. I was starting to slowly fade into what I anticipated to be a deep sleep, until it dawned onto me.

_ The ticking _ .

_ The ticking was gone _ .


End file.
